Episode 05: Hurl to the Chief, Parts I & II

A very special, very late President’s Day episode! Doc, Artie, and golden-voiced special guest Chris guide their long-suffering listeners through the favorite libations of our drunkest presidents.

Part I – Washington to Roosevelt

Part II – Roosevelt to Trump

Conclusion: The best way to impress someone is to lure them to your house with barrels of whisky and a truly gigantic block of cheese.

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Drink menu:
Shots of whiskey
Sherry, nasty gross sherry
Artie’s special martini (no recipe, but he rims it with a special MSG blend and it is to die for)
Franklin Roosevelt’s Martini (basically a very dirty martini with too much vermouth and, inexplicably, a dash of absinthe)
The Haitian Libation (rum, orange juice, brown sugar, egg white, despair)
Many, many more shots of whiskey

Booze Partisans, we’re sorry we took so long to get this primo content to you. Although given our willingness to destroy our own livers for you for free, perhaps it is you who should apologize to us.

We never claimed to be competent, attentive, wise, or forward-thinking, so when a third person was added to the mix, we felt very threatened and confused and did not take very many pictures. Also, Chris is much more suited to podcasting than either of us and we are afraid that our fanbase will demand that we both be fired and replaced by him.

Also, we did promise to post Doc’s hangover pic on the blog, but…no. We won’t be doing that.

Here’s Artie mixing a martini in the most menacing way a human possibly could:

This is the last thing a bartender sees before he dies.

And the result!

Bonus remains of our whiskey shots, to honor our earliest presidents.

Doc was spared the horrors of research this time, so no book list. Thanks to Artie and Chris for taking over the research for this two-parter. Extra special thanks to Chris for being willing to put his professional name, sanity, and overall health on the line to talk to us.

You may notice that this episode doesn’t sound as much like two drunks struggling to speak a human language! All thanks to Jim, who took on the horrifying mantle of splicing and editing our content into something sane.

You can check us out on Spotify, or add us to your RSS feed directly from Spreaker. We’re on Facebook, and Doc has an Instagram that shows off the drinks she makes that are actually enjoyable. We are also on Patreon, where you can simultaneously help us defray some of our costs and see exclusive patrons-only content too shameful for the airwaves.

We’ll return later this summer for another two-parter on the worst drinks of the worst decade–the 1970s.

Episode 04 – Candyland

Artie and a lovestruck Doc explore the ooey-gooey-crunchy-chewy world of Belgian booze candy. The Foley art in this episode is truly disturbing.

Episode 04 – Candyland

Conclusion: Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker and, surprisingly, much less likely to make you sick. Also, if you are a kidnapper-for-hire who has always wanted to go to Belgium, give Doc a call.

Episode 03 – The Eggnog and I

Episode 03 – The Eggnog and I

Artie and Doc dive headfirst into the thick, viscous history of eggnog, from its earliest incarnation as the horrifying combination of “wine plus milk” to the cloying commercial confections of today. Hold onto your Santa hats, kiddos–there’s a lot more rioting, slavery, Swedish ethnic humor, and something called “sack-posset” in eggnog’s backstory than you ever believed possible.

Conclusion: Charles Mingus’s true genius wasn’t jazz, or even abusive drunken rages. It was eggnog.

Episode 02 – Hanukkah Special

Episode 02 – Hanukkah Special

Doc teaches Artie about the horrifying history of Manischewitz and walks us through a syrupy morass of promotional jingles, disgusting cocktails, and way more sin than you’d expect from something so sweet. This episode also marks the glorious debut of Boozemobile!

Conclusion: Mani’s history is rich in perverts, and everything’s better when it’s served out of the back of a truck.

Episode 1 – Smells Like Teen Spirits

Booze Party Episode 1 – Smells Like Teen Spirits

Artie and Doc dive into the worst concoctions of their respective misspent youths and explore what it means to be a teen drinker in a 21-and-up world.

Conclusion: it’s the government’s fault we drank so much as teens, and the worst taste in the world is definitely warm Goldschlager mixed with Dr. Pepper.